What does "Still Learning" by Halsey mean?

“Still Learning” Lyrics Meaning

“Still Learning” comes from Halsey’s newest album, “Manic.” “Manic” difers from Halsey’s previous albums in that she wanted it to express herself beyond her stage persona. While she has written many authentic songs before, this was meant to be from Ashley’s perspective (Halsey’s real name.) The style of the songs on a musical and lyrical level feel very vulnerable and tell an authentic story of love, heartbreak, loneliness, and healing as she finds ways she wants to grow.

“I’m still learning to love myself” 

“Still Learning” explores her feelings about her fame. She not only confesses the downsides of her line of work, but explains that when you don’t think well of yourself, it doesn’t matter what you do for a living. “Still Learning” is about being human and struggling with being kind to ourselves. 

(Disclaimer: Because Halsey has expressed that she has written this album to be autobiographical, this song likely is as well. However, when explaining a vulnerable song like this we want to remember that even in autobiographical songs, sometimes artists write lines that are not exact representations of their real lives; this is part of the art of lyric writing.)

Verse 1

I should be living the dream
But I'm livin' with a security team
And that ain't gonna change, no
I got a paranoia in me
And you wouldn't believe
Everything that I seen, no
Comin' apart at the seams
And no one around me knows

The first verse is likely an expression of Halsey’s feelings about her career. Being able to make music for a living is “the dream” but the reality is imperfect. She needs a security team with her to protect her from the dangerous side of fame. She is still coming to terms with these negative side effects of achieving her dreams. “Everything [she has] seen” is causing her pain and making her feel isolated. 

Pre-Chorus

Who I am, what I'm on
Who I've hurt and where they've gone
I know that I've done some wrong
But I'm tryna make it right
To the one I love, bring me 'round
Get me out right now (Oh-oh)
And know that I love you

She says that “no one knows” who she is or the depth of what she’s experiencing. She knows that she has made mistakes that she’s trying to fix. She asks the person she’s in love with to help “bring [her] ‘round” so that she can be free of this painful mental state. No matter what wants the person she loves to know that she loves them. In the second pre-chorus she apologizes to her friends as well, saying that she wants to fix her mistakes and she loves them all dearly. 

Chorus

But I'm still learning to love myself
I'm still learning to love myself 
Oh, I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it's alright, but some things don't change
I'm still learning to love myself

She loves all of these people in her life, and she wants to do right by them. As she gets to the root of her stress and why she is struggling to enjoy the good in her life, she explains that loving herself does not come as easily to her as does loving other people. The mistakes she has made make it difficult for her to forgive herself. 

Verse 2

I should be living the dream
But I go home and I got no self-esteem (Nope)
You think I'm swimmin' in green
But it's passed around my family tree
No man wants to really commit
Intimidated 'cause I get paid and s**t
In the crowd, you're readin' my lips
But no one around me knows

She knows that she has a lot to appreciate in her life, but internally she doesn’t think well of herself. She may have “green” but “it’s passed around [her] family tree.” This likely means that either she doesn’t see the money as a huge asset, she sees it as a tool to help her family or that her newfound wealth is putting a strain on family relationships. Either way, the money does not impact her mental state. If anything, she implies it has a negative impact because the men she’s interested in are intimidated by her income. The fame has become isolating as she is “in the crowd” but she doesn’t feel known.

Deeper Meaning of “Still Learning” by Halsey

Halsey uses the hopeful phrase “still learning” to let us know that we can still learn how to be kind to ourselves. We can’t depend on our career or the world to save us from our insecurities. For those who love others more easily than themselves, it’s important to learn to be forgiving and to extend grace to ourselves as well.